Thank you for taking the time to address different parts of my post ♥️ For a while after I recovered and had these thoughts / feelings come up, I asked my friend if I was selfish for wanting to go to Disneyland with my kids. She said of course not, but I guess I felt guilty. Then we went on to talk about how there will always be suffering in this world and there isn't much we can do. Your point about my brother is true and a good reminder. I often ask why, but I don't think that's a question I can answer. Maybe I'll find out on the other side one day!